Answering The Call - A Hesitant Acceptance to Lead

I feel recharged and inspired.

In early 2020, I went viral on YouTube, and the algorithm supported me for upward of two years.

During this time, I changed quite a bit.  Eventually, I became burnt out by the responsibility to provide content under a persona that no longer reflected my true identity.

So I took a break.  I stopped making content and got a full-time insurance job.  I wanted to feel like a real person again.

Life swiftly reminded me why I became a content creator in the first place: flexibility within my own schedule.  I have two small children and a disabled parent.  I worked full time for as long as I could, but eventually resigned.  I was being suffocated by guilt that I was not showing up for my people in the way that they needed me to.

My husband and I are now back to one income.  

I am slowly navigating the yoga community, and I have secured two weekly teaching positions.  

I’ve also applied for grad school.  My children aren’t going to be small forever, and I would like to buy a home near my mother so that I may offer her more support.   Eventually, I will be able to work full-time again.  This time, I plan on actually pursuing a career that aligns with my identity.

When I was a content creator, my subject matter focused on personal transformation.  This younger version of myself was more or less obsessed with employing the law of attraction and spiritual rituals to create personality shifts.  As I grew older, I learned to appreciate the more subtle transformative power of self-awareness.

Now, as I (not so) patiently wait to hear whether I’ve been accepted to graduate school, I’m realizing that my dream of providing talk therapy may actually become a reality.

Becoming a therapist will require countless hours of learning and working in my community.  I am choosing to pursue a Master’s in Social Work because I want to specifically work with the people suffering due to social and economic disparities.  Being that I plan on incorporating yoga and somatic healing into my services, I am overwhelmed by the realization that I will be able to help individuals transform themselves more deeply and intimately than I ever could by creating content. 

I do plan on still creating content.  Still, I am more aware of the personal responsibility that will be assigned to me if/when I become a therapist.  The level of accountability is heightened as I will be raising my expectations of myself.

Being a therapist for the marginalized will require me to be consistent in my own wellness routines, stay well-read on political issues, and most importantly, practice optimism.

In this current political landscape, it would be too easy to become apathetic and to leave society to fend for itself.  As a content creator, this would be an option.  I could make videos about makeup and minimalism and act as an emotional escape for my community.

On the other hand, as a therapist, I have the responsibility of staying locked in while balancing my mental health.  To be a leader in my community and a safe space for my clients, I must consciously decide if I am ready to answer this call.

Well I didn’t get into school yet, lol.  But if the phone rings…I will answer.